Stars
by LadyBush
Summary: Sirius and Remus share a drunken kiss, which Remus forgets and Sirius remembers. Two years later they are living together in a squalid flat and Sirius is in love...and working as a stripper. SLASH. Epilogue added!
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling._

Stars 

Prologue- Remus and Sirius' Seventh Year at Hogwarts

Remus padded back down the second floor corridor. He moved carefully as the only light to see by was the moonlight filtering through the windows. "Sirius?" he called softly.

"I'm here, Remus!" called Sirius' voice from out of the gloom.

Remus crept forward a couple of strides and laughed when he saw Sirius huddled in the doorway of a transfiguration classroom, one hand holding a cigarette and the other cradling a bottle of wine.

"Nobody saw me?" asked Remus.

"Not a soul," replied Sirius. He stood up and extinguished the cigarette under his foot. "Here's to the Marauder's." Sirius offered Remus the bottle of wine and Remus, who neither drank nor smoked, took a swig anyway.

"Cheers," he said huskily. He drank deeply and stared at the bottle in astonishment when he realised he had drank nearly half. The dark red liquid was already warming his belly and leaving him feeling slightly _intoxicated_.

"Transfiguration will be fun tomorrow," said Sirius. He laughed gleefully but Remus just watched him, wondering if he was drunk or if Sirius' eyes were indeed sparkling like sapphires.

"Let's finish the wine," murmured Sirius.

Twenty minutes later, he half-carried Remus away from the transfiguration classrooms and towards their common room. They stopped outside the portrait hole and Remus sank to the ground. "I'm drunk!" he declared happily.

"True," said Sirius. He knelt down beside Remus. "You're quite beautiful," he whispered, trailing one finger along Remus' forehead and fingering one of the honey-coloured curls that lay there.

And Remus stared at him, _transfixed_, as Sirius leaned in to kiss him, before closing his eyes as Sirius' velvet lips met his own.

##

The following morning Professor Thomson found his classroom had been turned into a jungle. The only evidence left behind by the culprit was a crushed cigarette and a discarded wine bottle.

The following morning Remus had a dreadful headache but remembered nothing about the kiss.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter 1- Two Years Later

Sirius Black finished his bowl of cornflakes, threw the newspaper he had been reading down onto the table and groaned loudly.

"Rough night, was it?" asked Remus Lupin- Sirius' flat mate and friend- as he appeared down the stairs.

"Ummmmm…" agreed Sirius. He had indeed had a rough night but it was the morning paper that was making him groan. _Poor Remus, _he thought. _Poor beautiful Remus._

Remus extracted a bowl from the mound of washing collecting in the sink and rinsed it vaguely. "I need to wash up," he confessed.

"You do," said Sirius absently. He handed Remus the newspaper. "Sorry mate."

Remus groaned as he took in the front-page headline: _Werewolf caged for life. _"Bloody journalists," he said weakly.

"Bloody lawyers… Bloody judges…" continued Sirius.

"Bloody people," said Remus flatly. He scanned the rest of the article. "Just listen to this:

_The savage werewolf, masquerading under the name Joseph Lester, has been jailed for life following a unanimous 'Guilty' verdict at yesterday's trial. The trial's Judge, the Honourable Wesley Brocket, said 'too long have werewolves threatened the lives of innocent wizards- I am only disappointed that the verdict was not death.' The Minister of Magic had declined to comment on the case." _Remus put the paper down and sighed. " '_Honourable Wesley Brocket_'! Honourable! That man's about as honourable as a Death Eater with a grudge." He shuddered and reached for the cornflakes.

"There's no cornflakes," said Sirius apologetically. "And I drank the last of the milk as well."

Remus shrugged and extended a hand towards the teapot. "I met Wesley Brocket in the summer after fourth year," he said suddenly, referring to the imprisoned werewolf. He poured himself a cup of tea. "He seemed a nice man."

Sirius smiled gently. "I'm sure he was."

"Werewolves aren't savage," said Remus. "Not for most of the month, anyway."

"I think werewolves are beautiful," said Sirius softly. He reached across the table and took Remus' hand in his. "You mustn't let the paper get you down."

Remus smiled. "I won't," he said, relinquishing Sirius' hand to take a sip of tea. He pulled a face. "Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"You forgot to add the teabag to the tea. I'm drinking boiled water."

"I know," Sirius murmured guiltily.

"You know?"

"We've run out of tea bags. I can't afford anymore until the end of the week- payday, you see."

The whole question of Sirius' payday was a mystery to Remus. Every week Sirius received an envelope filled with grubby coins, which he had never explained to Remus. His days were spent as a trainee Auror, something that earned no pay and yet from somewhere or other, Sirius was extracting this dubious wage. Remus, whose own wage as an assistant librarian, barely covered the price of the rent, was grateful for any help Sirius could give but had long since yearned to know how the money was earned.

Remus smiled. "I'll buy some on my way to work. And some more milk, though the cornflakes may have to wait," he said gently, knowing that Sirius would protest.

"You can't! I promised I'd buy the food this week!"

"You promised no such thing. I should get to work." Remus abandoned his hot water and all prospects of breakfast. He got up from the table and Sirius rose with him.

"You're a good friend," said Sirius. _If only you could be more_, he added silently_. _Then he held open his arms and hugged Remus tightly.

Nobody was around to see the look of bliss upon Sirius' face as he held his friend.

"See you tonight."

"Bye."

On the way out of the door, Remus paused and turned around as an idea hit him. "Can I have an apple to eat?"

Sirius looked guiltily at the floor. "I ate the last one yester day." He sounded dreadful. "I'm sorry, Remus. I'm really-"

Remus waved his apologies aside. "It's no matter, Sirius. No matter."

##

Sirius (after skim reading a handout on 'Stealth and the Art of Quiet Combat') lit a fire in the living room grate and threw a handful of floo powder into the flames. "Orion's office, Star Club," he said loudly, sticking his head into the fire.

His head emerged in the fireplace of a purple office, luxuriously and expensively furnished. In the centre of the office was a desk at which a man sat with his back to Sirius.

Sirius coughed loudly. "Orion, sir?" he asked.

The man called Orion turned around. He was tall and excessively lean, and was wearing a deep red velvet suit. A gold earring glittered from his ear and jewels adorned his fingers. His hair was long and silver-blonde. "My dear, dear, Sirius. Whatever brings you to me?" he asked in a honeyed (and somewhat sinister) voice.

"I need more money," said Sirius, miserably.

Orion smiled. "Then you shall have to do more work."

"I work as much as I can!" protested Sirius.

Orion shrugged. "Are you complaining about the money I give you, Sirius?"

"No!"

"Do you wish to lose your job?"

"NO!"

Orion smiled coldly, displaying several gold teeth. "Well, well. I'm glad that's sorted. You can leave now. Go back home to your werewolf boyfriend."

This remark made Sirius' blood. He felt as if he had just been plunged into a bath of ice. "He's not my…" he swallowed painfully. "…Boyfriend." Then something even worse hit Sirius. "And he's not a-"

"Werewolf, Sirius? Don't deny it."

Sirius shook his head vigorously. His mane of black hair became tangled and messy. "No! He's not a… Honestly, he isn't a… He's…." Sirius paused helplessly. "How did you know he's a werewolf?"

"Lucky guess," said Orion. He waved a lazy hand at Sirius. "I know what's going on, Sirius. You're from a rich pureblood family. You want to be an Auror so much that it's actually _painful_. However, you foolishly denounced your rich family and now you have no money. You're living with a childhood friend who not only feeds you and gives you a home, but also has paid for you to become an Auror. And you, Sirius, have mixed up the thankfulness you feel for your friend with _love_. You believe you love him. So, you have started coming here at night, coming to my club, and dancing on a platform. You are selling your body to the eyes of drunken witches and wizards when all you really want to be is at home with your pretty little boyfriend whom you think you love. Am I right?"

"I _do_ love him," said Sirius. He thought for a moment. "I can do Monday nights as well."

Orion nodded. "Excellent. You start tonight."

"Thank you. Thank you so much-"

"Get out of my fireplace," Orion snapped. "I'm trying to work."

##

That afternoon Remus Lupin staggered through the door and down the hallway before falling into the living room. Sirius was sprawled across the only sofa, sound asleep. Remus smiled and gazed at his friend for a moment. He yawned hugely and, seeing no other place to lie down, curled up next to Sirius, precariously balanced on the edge of the sofa.

He had fallen asleep before Sirius' arm snaked around his waste and pulled him closer.

##

When Remus awoke it was the early hours of the morning and Sirius was gone.


	3. Chapter Two

_Big thank you to DemonAngi, xMadgirlx, killer-the-cat, Aubrey Miercoles, power of the stars, ddz008, Popcorn Leader, Lil-chick21, Demus, nekohebi, lizzie24, Loonymoon, alastormadeymoody51, PadfootMoonyProngs and driven to insanity, for reviewing the prologue and chapter one. _

##

Remus Lupin climbed off the sofa and stretched his slender limbs. He yawned hugely. "Sirius?" he whispered. There was no reply.

_He must have gone to bed_, he thought. _Where I should be._

Remus Lupin was about to make his way up the narrow stairs to his bedroom when his stomach growled and he realised he had not eaten that day. He groped around in the dark until he found the kitchen and opened the fridge.

There was nothing inside except a piece of mouldy cheese. Undaunted, Remus tried all the cupboards but found nothing. Shrugging, he went back to the cheese and scraped the mould off the surface.

As Remus bit into the cheese, he wondered if Sirius had eaten anything today. As the kitchen seemed devoid of crumbs Remus was forced to concede that he had not. _I'll wake him and see if he wants some cheese, _he decided.

Remus climbed up the flight of stairs and opened the door to Sirius' room. "Sirius?" he called softly. There was silence. "Sirius, are you awake?"

No response.

Remus crept forward and extended a hand towards the shape asleep in the bed. He tapped it. "Wake up," he said gently, even as he realised that something about the lump in the bed wasn't right. Remus pulled back the blankets on Sirius' bed.

And found a pillow shaped to look like a body.

##

The Star Club was packed with witches (and the odd wizard). Some were drinking beer and cocktails while the rest formed a screaming, milling throng on the dance floor. Disco music blared and the club was lit with flashing purple, pink and blue lights. Nearly everybody's attention was focused on a platform above the floor.

Sirius Black was dancing on that platform; gyrating to the music while slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

"Take it off!" screamed a witch. "Off! Off! Off!!!"

Sirius finished unbuttoning his shirt and tossed it to the crowd where a group of witches started squabbling over it. One witch emerged victoriously with the shirt after hexing all her opponents. Sirius kept dancing as his nimble fingers worked on his belt.

"God, he's gorgeous!" cried a small plump witch to her companion.

"Come on!" yelled her companion. "Off! Off! Off!"

Soon the belt followed the shirt.

"Off! Off! Off!" The whole crowd was chanting now. Even Orion, the manager, had joined in.

Tight leather trousers followed the belt.

"Off! Off! Off!"

##

Remus went to bed but found he was too upset to sleep. Thoughts rushed through his head- _who was Sirius with right now? Why do I care who he's sleeping with? Why does this upset me? _Two hours passed before Remus fell into a troubled sleep filled with uneasy dreams in which he was searching for an answer to a question he didn't know.

I was eight O'clock when Remus awoke. He would have to set off in ten minutes if he wasn't to be late for work. He dressed quickly and went downstairs.

He found Sirius sitting at the table drinking a glass of water. There was a packet of 'Henderson's Magical Headache Cure Ltd' on the table. "Did you sleep well?" asked Remus with a note of sadness in his voice.

"Yes, thank you," Sirius lied.

Remus took a deep breath. _Why am I so bothered about where Sirius sleeps?_

"Are you okay?" asked Sirius concernedly. Remus did not look well.

"Yes, I'm- I'm quite- uuummm yes- where were you last night?"

Images of the Start Club floated through Sirius' head: _women screaming, himself naked and exposed, the music thumping and the lights flashing and all the time Orion watching him from the bar, his eyes roaming over every part of Sirius' body._

"I was asleep," he said, striving to sound nonchalant.

"Not here," murmured Remus.

Sirius' blood ran cold. Did Remus know about his night job? He wondered how to explain to him why he spent his nights dancing and stripping in an East London club.

"Who are you sleeping with?" asked Remus, his voice sounding oddly cold.

"Nobody!"

Remus seemed angry. _Hurt_. "Come on, Sirius! Who is she?"

Sirius remained silent but he could also feel anger welling up inside him.

"WHO IS SHE?"

Sirius' temper snapped. He hadn't had a full nights sleep in the last week and his head was pounding. "I don't like women!" he shouted and slammed his fist down on the table.

Remus just stared at him.

Sirius calmed down. "I'm sorry. I've scared you. So sorry," he said quietly and retreated upstairs, where he lit a cigarette and wondered what to do.

##

Try as he might, Remus could not get Sirius' words out of his head that day: _I don't like women. _What was Sirius trying to tell him? Is not liking women the same thing as fancying men? Was this Sirius' way of saying he was gay?

These questions troubled Remus so much that he unintentionally placed an order for twenty copies of 'War and Peace' instead of two and received a mind-numbing twenty minute lecture on paying attention by the chief librarian (an ancient man with bushy grey hair and a face like cardboard). However, the librarian then took pity on Remus who looked heart broken over his 'War and Peace' mistake and gave him a cup of tea and a sympathetic ear.

"It's my flatmate," said Remus to the librarian.

"Yes?"

"I think he's gay."

But the librarian didn't seem to understand. "Gay, did you say?" He raised his bushy eyebrows at Remus. "Gay? And why shouldn't he be? What's wrong with your flatmate being happy? I myself am gay on many occasions…"

In the future Remus decided to keep his problems to himself.


	4. Chapter Three

_Thanks to ddz008, PopcornLeader, PadfootMoonyProngs, xMadgirlx, Demus, Glorfindel of Gondolin, r-z, silver-sunn101, green eyed dragon, hope, rubber ducky, Kata Malfoy, crown, alastormadeymoody51, mec, Ivy Crane, driven to insanity, meg, Lizzie24 and Hawkeye's Seductress for reviewing. I love to hear from you._

_##_

When Remus Lupin arrived back at the flat, tired and hungry after the day's work, he found that Sirius was not at home but had left a note:

_Auror training exercise tonight. Simulated attack on the Ministry of Magic. Don't wait up- Sirius._

On top of the note was a gold galleon. Remus extended a hand towards the coin and wondered what to do with it. In the end he decided a shopping trip was in order and left the flat.

##

Sirius Black crawled slowly along the ground. He was in a pitch-black room, it was unbearably hot and sweat trickled down his back. Every few minutes someone would muter a spell or a curse and a beam of red or green light would light up the room. Sirius knew the enemy was here, somewhere in the room, yet he could not see them. He was nervous.

There was a bright flash of light to Sirius' left, revealing a dark figure. In an instant, with the reflexes of a true auror, he dived to the side and just missed the curse that had been sent at him.

"Impedimenta!" he shot back at the enemy.

There was no cry and Sirius realised his spell had not met its target. "Incendio!" he muttered and red light shot out of his wand. The next moment the shadowy figure was on fire.

The fire illuminated several shadowy figures and a series of curses were shouted across the darkened room by Sirius' team-mates, before his target managed to extinguish itself and everyone was plunged into darkness.

Then the lights came on.

"_Congratulations, division four! You have recaptured the ministry from enemy forces. Today's training exercise is complete_," said a sharp voice that appeared to come from nowhere.

Sirius' mentor, a heavily scarred man in his late thirties came forward. He thumped Sirius on the back. "Not bad! Not bad at all! Though I think setting me on fire was a little unnecessary, Black! How about a petrifying charm next time…"

But Sirius wasn't listening; he was staring across the room.

To where Orion was standing.

##

Remus Lupin ate bread, cheese and cake alone that night. It was only eight O'clock when he climbed the short flight of stairs to go to bed. Sleep came to him quickly. Remus began to dream:

_The dream started with a burnt-out cigarette and a discarded wine bottle. Remus was back in Hogwarts, staggering down a corridor, half-carried by Sirius. He was drunk and Sirius felt warm and strong._

_They reached the Portrait Hall and Remus clasped on the ground. "I'm drunk!" he declared. _

_"True," said Sirius. He was staring at Remus oddly and the latter felt a blush staining his fair cheeks. "You're beautiful," murmured Sirius._

_Remus stared back at Sirius, wondering. A thousand silent questions passed between the two- can I look at you like this? Is it wrong to think you're beautiful? Will you be scared if I kiss you?_

_Then the two of them were kissing. Remus was running his hands though Sirius' hair, holding him close, kissing him until his lips were sore. Sirius tasted of wine and smoke and spices. The kiss was long and almost frantic. And at that moment in time, Remus realised he was in love._

Remus awoke with a start. His breathing was rapid and uneven, and it took him a long time to calm down. He had never dreamt about kissing anyone before, let alone his best friend and flat mate. "I do not fancy Sirius," he muttered, but his voice sounded pathetic even to his own ears.

##

"Why are you here?" asked Sirius.

Orion waved a careless jewel-adorned hand at him. "I came to see you. Is there something wrong with that?"

"I'll be at work at half-past ten!"

"Yes, you will," said Orion patiently, as if he was explaining something to a particularly stupid child. "But it's only just turned nine O'clock, which leaves you with plenty of time to go out to dinner with me!"

Sirius stared at him. "Dinner?" he asked, horrified.

"Yes, Dinner. I've never been on a date with an auror before!" Orion brushed imaginary dust of his dark red suit. "You'll have to change your clothes, of course. As much as I like my men hot and sweaty, I don't think high society is quite ready for it!"

Sirius shook his head furiously. "I can't go out to dinner with you, I'm afraid. I have-"

A sinister note came in to Orion's voice. "-You have nothing to do that is more important than myself, Sirius." He smiled coldly, so that his gold teeth glinted. "I'm fully aware that you're in love with that school friend of yours but I assure you, it's not your heart I'm after!"

And with those words Orion sauntered off, leaving Sirius dumbstruck and nervous at the thought of entering Orion's 'high society'.

##

Remus Lupin discovered that he could not get back to sleep. Eventually, a quarter past ten according to his bedside clock, he gave up trying to and instead climbed out of bed and dressed hurriedly. He went down stairs and pulled on a thick pair of gloves and an old knitted scarf. Sirius was not in.

Remus shuddered as he went out into the cold night air. The streets in this part of London were still busy at this early hour. Remus began to walk, and found that after the first two miles his thoughts began to clear- _he didn't fancy Sirius, that was obvious. Maybe Sirius was gay- that shouldn't affect himself. And it didn't matter that he just dreamt about kissing his best friend- it was hardly as though you could control what you dreamed about. _

So why exactly was it that Remus felt a sharp stab of jealousy when he saw Sirius walking across the road from him, arm-in-arm with a blonde-haired man dressed in a red velvet suit?

__


	5. Chapter Four

Remus Lupin jumped into a convenient bush and hid. He didn't know why he did this- it was almost as if it was a reflex. Sense dictated that he should walk across the road, greet Sirius, be introduced to the blonde man in the red velvet suit and explain that he was out walking because he couldn't sleep. But instead Remus had dived for cover and then, with motives he couldn't understand, hid himself from his best friend.

Remus took a deep, steadying breath and watched Sirius walk past, still arm-in-arm with the blonde man. And then, for no reason he could see, Remus began to stalk them. Keeping to the shadows and moving as silently as a mouse, he followed the couple. Eventually, he crossed over the road and crept up behind them. He could now hear a fragment of their conversation:

"I hope when you are dancing tonight Sirius, you are dancing for me."

"Well, I…"

"Because I do love to see you dance."

"Err, yes. It's just…"

"Do you find me attractive, Sirius?"

"Oh… Orion…I…Uummm…"

The blonde haired man coughed sharply. "Well, do you?"

"Yes."

Remus stopped in his tracks and tried to comprehend the meaning of what he had just heard. His previous suspicion was confirmed- Sirius was gay and, moreover, he had a boyfriend. Pain coursed through him- he could feel actual physical pain at the thought of Sirius with another man. Kissing another man. Making love to another man.

He was jealous.

By the time Remus came to his senses, Sirius and Orion were out of sight. He started walking again, aimlessly wandering the streets. The world looked cold and empty. Remus shivered and began to hurry on in an effort to warm up- he felt as if his blood had frozen.

It's not hard to imagine then, how Remus felt when he heard the rhythmic pulse of dance music, mingled with laughter and the chink of glasses- when he saw bright lights seeping through a doorway to light up the dreary night. He couldn't resist. He had to go into this place of dancing and warmth and _happiness. _

The bouncers guarding the club's doorway didn't trouble Remus and soon he found himself in a huge room filled with people drinking and dancing. Above the bar was a huge neon sign bearing the words _STAR CLUB. _It came as quite a surprise to discover that, away from the bar at least, most of the people in the club were women and most were eagerly watching a podium high above the dance floor.

Remus automatically made his way to the bar and, deciding he deserved to get drunk, ordered a glass of vodka. A man in a purple suit winked at him and Remus began to feel distinctly uncomfortable. "Do you come here often?" asked the man, moving closer.

But Remus never had the chance to answer because at that moment the music blared out even louder, the lights dimmed and the crowd of women underneath the podium began to wolf-whistle and cheer.

And on that podium was Sirius Black.

He was taking his clothes off.

##

Sirius was so used to stripping now that it was no longer embarrassing. While he was up there, dancing on the podium and hearing the crowd go wild, he would be thinking about other things such as last week's shopping bill and how much a new cloak would cost. Indeed, the only thing that ever bothered him in the slightest was Orion, who was always watching him from somewhere- eating up Sirius' body with his eyes.

Where was Orion today, he thought?

His eyes scanned the club even as he discarded his shirt. He caught sight of Orion drinking champagne with a group of men at the back of the club. He appeared to be pointing Sirius out to the rest of the group.

Sirius pretended not to notice this act and instead focused on stripping. He swung his head with its mane of coal-black hair and ran his hands over his bare chest. His fingers found their way to his belt buckle. He winked seductively at a man in a purple suit sitting at the bar. Then something caught his eye…

A small slender man with sandy-coloured hair.

It couldn't be.

Surely not.

The sandy-haired man looked up at Sirius. He had bright amber eyes. Wolf's eyes.

Sirius found himself looking directly into the eyes of Remus Lupin. His finger's slipped on the buckle. He froze. A blush coloured his cheeks. He found himself stood on a podium, half-naked and looking at the one person he'd ever loved.

And Remus was staring back at him, horrified.

##

Remus didn't know what to do. He panicked. He ran to the club's door and elbowed past the guards, and he didn't even stop when he head Sirius yell "REEEEMMMUUUUUSSSSS!!!!!!!!" behind him.

Remus ran down the streetlamp-lit roads with a speed brought on by madness. He didn't know where he went or even how far he had run before he collapsed on a bench and sat there with his head between his legs, gasping for breath. The image of Sirius' body, dappled by the colours of the disco lights and shining with a fine layer of sweat, tormented him.

It was then that Remus finally admitted it to himself.

He was in love.


	6. Chapter Five

_Thanks to all the fantastic reviewers. You are the reason I'm writing this story. (So please keep reviewing, folks!)_

_##_

Sirius gave up Remus-hunting as the sun rose in the sky. He went back to the flat and ate a slab of the cake Remus had bought just the day before. Hefound he was yawning uncontrollably and, after hunting high and low for perhaps ten minutes, he managed to find a near-empty jar of coffee. Glancing around, Sirius saw there were no mugs that were not piled in the sink and so he added the hot the water straight to the coffee jar.

He drank deeply.

He lit a cigarette and glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. Half-past six. "Too bloody early," he murmured.

And with that, he went into the front room, settled himself on the sofa and pulled a set of plain wizard robes over him. He went to sleep almost immediately.

##

_Remus opened the front door. He went into the front room and found Sirius sprawled out on the sofa. Asleep. There was nothing unusual about that._

_Or was there?_

_Sirius was lying under one of his wizards' robes; it was bunched around his waist to reveal a smooth naked torso._

_Sirius opened one eye and gazed at me. "I've been worried about you," he said, his voice coming out as a deep growl._

_"I'm sorry for running off. It just came as shock to see you on that podium. Dancing. Stripping." Remus could feel himself blushing furiously. He edged closer to Sirius. "Can you forgive me?"_

_Sirius opened his other eye and gestured Remus closer. When Remus was close enough, he sat up and whispered in his ear: "Why should I care if you ran off? It's not like I love you or anything. Hell, I'm only living with you because I have nowhere else to go. Well, that's about to change- I'm moving in with my gay lover tomorrow."_

_Remus leapt back and stared at Sirius, incredulously._

_It was in that second that he realised he could not bear to lose Sirius. He loved Sirius._

"Sirius!!!!!!!" He screamed.

Remus awoke with a start and shook his head in an attempt to shake the dream away from him. He was sitting on a bench in the middle of a park, in the centre of London. Everything was lit by the grey light of dawn, though the half-moon still shone in the sky. He could hear the sounds of traffic –the sharp beep of a horn, the low grumble of motors- a short distance away.

Remus started as someone put a hand on his shoulder. He spun around to find himself face to face with a plump, kind-looking woman. "You alright, luv?" she asked him.

"Alright?" Remus coughed. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

The plump woman leaned closer towards him. "You just shouted something, luv. Yeah, that's right. You shouted 'Sirius'. Thought you might have bin having a fit, s'all."

Remus stared at the woman for a moment. "I shouted 'Sirius'?" he asked.

The woman checked her watch. "Yeah. Look, if you're all right now I'll be off." The woman started to walk away but Remus grabbed her arm.

"I was, umm… star gazing," he explained. "I saw Sirius, the star that is, and, erm, got rather excited. That's all."

"Yeah. Whatever," said the woman, stalking off.

Remus sat on the park bench for another hour before he could bear to move. Luckily, it was Wednesday, his day off, so he had all the time in the world to walk and think.

##

Orion was not happy.

When Orion was not happy, he liked to make other people equally unhappy.

At the time that Remus was sitting on his park bench, Orion was lying on a red silk-covered bed, glaring at the Star Club's two bouncers, who cowered before him.

"I am angry," Orion said. His eyes sparkled with malevolence. "Do you know why I am angry?" he asked the bouncers.

Neither of them answered.

"I am angry because you let him go. You let Sirius Black, the stripper, leave."

One of the bouncers dared to speak. He was an ugly brute with a hideous disfiguring scar running down the right side of his face. "But, Mr Orion, sir, what's it matter if we let 'im go. 'E weren't exactly important, was-"

Orion sat up in bed. "SILENCE!" he roared, before collapsing back down as if exhausted. "The stripper was not permitted to leave. Now, unless you wish to pay the price of your stupidity you will find Sirius Black and-"

"Beat him up!" said the second bouncer eagerly.

"Bring him to me. Willing or not." Orion smiled.

"What do we do if 'e won't come back?" asked the scarred bouncer.

Orion started to grin. "Oh, I think he will come to me. Just mention the possibility of a little accident befalling his beloved werewolf." Orion laughed for a moment and the bouncers shivered. "Sirius will come. He has no choice."

The bouncers knew better than to ask why Orion wanted Sirius so much.

##

Remus was wandering through the streets of London, vaguely heading in the direction of the flat.

_Great. He's a stripper and he caught me in a strip club. That certainly adds a new dimension to our friendship._

_ At last now I know the truth. I fancy my best friend. Hell, that isn't even the half of it. I love him. I'm _in _love with him. _Thoughts ran through Remus' head like stampeding horses; leaving worry and anguish in their wake. Remus had no idea how to tell Sirius that he was in love with him. But he knew he must. There was no lying to Sirius; there never had been.

Remus found himself standing outside the door to his and Sirius' flat. He opened the door and entered hesitatingly. "Hello!" he called out softly.

"Remus!" shouted Sirius. He appeared in the entrance hall a second later. Relief showed in his face at the sight of Remus but it was soon replaced by a look of intense awkwardness. "I…" he began. "I, erm, about last night. It's, uumm… I-"

Remus couldn't stand the wretched, apologetic look on Sirius' face. "Why are you apologising. I'm the one who ran off. I'm the one who-"

"-Stumbled across his best friend stripping in a club. I understand if that upset you and I'm sorry." Sirius wrung his hands.

The image of Sirius walking hand-in-hand with a blonde man in a red cloak flickered into Remus' mind. He had to know who that was. "You're boyfriend," he croaked. "Tell me about him."

Something wild flashed in Sirius' eyes. "That bastard! Christ, no! Oh, Remus, how could you even think that he's my boyfriend? Bloody Hell! Never." Sirius stepped away from Remus and looked intently at the tiled floor of the hall. "But I am gay," he murmured.

"I know," said Remus quietly. He stepped towards Sirius and reaching out, he ran a trembling finger down his cheek. "I have to tell you something," he near-whispered.

"Go on."

"I only realised yesterday but then, perhaps," Remus paused. "No," he said eventually.

"What? Perhaps what?" asked Sirius. He moved closer to Remus until their bodies were pressed against each other. "Tell me."

"Perhaps I've known for a while. The thing is, Sirius. It's that I-" Remus couldn't go on. His voice was shaking. "I…"

Sirius took Remus' hands in his. "I love you too, Remus Lupin, " he said gently. "And I've known for a while as well," he added, his lips mere centimetres away from Remus'.

At that moment their front door was blown off its hinges. The Star Club's two meanest bouncers appeared in the now-empty doorway. "Orion would like a word, Sirius" said the bouncer with the disfiguring scar. "Or maybe a bit more than a word…"

He left the threat hanging.


	7. Chapter Six

_Thanks to all my reviewers: xMadgirlx, killer-the-cat, ShatteredDesire, driven to insanity, Eizoku, Ronda-Silverpaw, Davey boy, Alistormadeymoody51, ddz008, Ivy Crane, Liver Beazard, Lizzie24, Kata Malfoy, alana chentelune, PadffotMoonyPC LuluIsALobester, x0 . Rhiannon . 0x, goldmund, a fan, kayloo, Sashimi, Treya, Kylie Norris, freakyfaerie, jema, Reese Craven, icemint, Yuki Bombay, AffectedMangoO, Blue Ducky, I-h8-sclub, berethiel, Bree, baby chaos, LilaStar, LLPotter, Prongs, Diva937, iheartremus, Stardrops, Silvan Wanderer, AmandaMarsters, imaginarystar, tea, zimo, hitchcock, MOI, Kewen, goddess of darkness3, amber eyes wolf, schreient spiegel, Unicorn-Patronus and futagoakuma-tenshi02._

Chapter 6

_"Orion would like a word, Sirius," said the smaller bouncer with the disfiguring scar. "Or maybe a bit more than a word…"_

"Tell Orion where he can stick his word," said Remus, who was still grinning inanely from Sirius confessing his love.

The larger bouncer sneered. "What the hell d'you think you can do to scare Orion, eh?"

A second later he reeled as if drunk when Remus' fist collided with his nose. There was a sickening crunch as it broke. The man's cry of pain was cut short as Remus leapt on top of him and wrestled him to the floor, and then wrapped his hands around the unfortunate bouncer's neck. The man choked.

"Bit of a firecracker, that boyfriend of yours…" laughed scar-face. He threw a punch at Sirius, who dodged it easily and whipped out his wand from inside his robes.

"Incendio!" he shouted and laughed at the astonished expression on the bouncer's face as he caught fire.

"Stop! Please! Please!" the man screamed.

Sirius watched him calmly. "A simple flame-dousing spell's all you need to extinguish yourself," he told the man solemnly.

The fear became even more apparent in the man's face as the flames crept up his body. "I can't do magic. Please! PLEASE! HELP ME! I'M A SQUIB! SQUIB!"

Sirius smiled. "You'll tell Orion what happens to those who cross us?"

"YES! ANYTHING! PLEASE!!!!!!"

Sirius put out the flames with a flick of his wand. The scarred bouncer cowered on the floor. "Thank you," he murmured and Sirius, seeing that the poor man hadn't really been able to fight back, helped him up and patted him on the back.

"You're just doing you're job, I suppose," he said quietly.

There was a terrible half-strangled gasp from behind them and both turned to find Remus throttling the huge bouncer, who in turn was pulling Remus' hair with one hand and trying to crush Remus' own hand with the other.

"Leave him," said Sirius wearily to Remus.

"Let 'im go, Mike," added the bouncer with the scar.

As neither of them stopped, Sirius reached out and hauled Remus off. It took far more effort than it should have done, with Remus being four inches shorter and significantly lighter than Sirius. "Christ Almighty, Remus! For God's sake, calm down!"

Remus struggled for a moment more before becoming still and quiet in Sirius' arms. "Go and make tea, love," said Sirius and Remus disappeared into the kitchen.

"I'll mend your nose if you like," offered Sirius to Remus' opponent. The bouncer was sitting hopelessly on the floor, staring at his blood that formed a scarlet patch on the pale carpet. "It won't hurt," added Sirius, soothingly, as he crouched beside the man.

"Get away from me, you bastard! Get away!"

"Let 'im fix yer, Mike," urged the bouncer with the scar. "Was 'is boyfriend that attacked you, no 'im!"

"No!" The man struggled to his feet and carefully dabbed at his nose. "Orion won't be pleased," he growled and shot Sirius a nasty look. "Not pleased at all…"

Then they were gone.

Sirius cleared away the mess in the hall- rubble, dust, blood and shards of wood from the door- with a sweep if his wand. Remus reappeared with two mugs of tea held in trembling hands.

"You're shaking," said Sirius quietly.

Remus said nothing and sipped at the scolding tea.

"You alright?"

Remus shook his head. "I nearly throttled the man! He was only doing his job and I nearly killed him!"

Sirius shook his head and shooed Remus into the sitting room. "Sit down," he said but Remus ignored him. "Relax."

Remus put his empty mug of tea on the floor and Sirius set his down without even tasting it. "I nearly killed him," repeated Remus hopelessly. He allowed Sirius to take him in his arms.

"You were protecting me, that's all! What are you worrying about?"

Remus clung to him. "Don't lie to me. You're an auror! You don't need protecting! I'm practically a murderer- do you remember at school when I nearly killed-"

"-Snape! And that was my fault, remember? Honestly, Remus, you're not a murderer. You're a bloody librarian who happens to have been in a fight after some idiot sent men to kidnap your boyfriend! It hardly makes you a killer!"

Remus sighed. "Okay. You're right, as usual." Then he smiled. "The man deserved a good throttling anyway!"

"That's the spirit!" Sirius laughed.

Remus began to laugh as well. "So, when did I become your 'boyfriend', anyway?" he whispered, stepping away from Sirius so he could see the sentiment in those inky grey eyes.

Sirius stopped laughing and smiled broadly. "Don't play the innocent with me, Remus! You want me every bit as much as I want you so just…" For a moment Sirius found himself short of words. What did he want? "…Kiss me, make love to me…whatever. Just do it!"

Remus grinned back for a moment. He brought his lips to within inches of Sirius'. "What, no foreplay?"

"We've had two years of foreplay!" Sirius murmured, kissing Remus gently.

But Remus froze and moved away.

"Two years? I don't understand."

Sirius frowned at him. "Do you not remember? Two years ago- our last year at Hogwarts? The most amazing kiss?" Images rushed through Sirius' head: _a bottle of wine, a cigarette crushed underfoot, silly happy laughter, big amber eyes gazing up at him, soft lips moulded to his own…_

Remus just shook his head.

"We turned Professor Thomson's classroom into a swamp? You must remember, Remus."

"Oh God! Yes! You got me drunk!" Remus stared at Sirius, incredulously. "But I don't remember kissing you. Why did you never mention it to me?" He backed away.

It was Sirius' turn to look incredulous. "I thought you remembered!" he cried. "I thought you were embarrassed or thought it had been a mistake or didn't want to spoil the memory or fancied women or were scared of commitment or-"

"-Christ in heaven!" moaned Remus, cutting Sirius off. "Two wasted years…"

They stood staring at each other, five feet apart.

Sirius eventually broke the silence. "I don't know what to say."

"I love you," Remus half-whispered.

"I know."

Neither of them would remember moving towards one another, yet somehow they found themselves holding each other and kissing, slightly frantically, as if their lives depended upon it. Sirius' hands were everywhere and Remus could feel electricity coursing through him at every touch. After a few moments the kiss became deeper, slower and somehow stronger. Remus' hands were entangled in Sirius' long black hair, caressing it.

If Remus had ever been asked about the kiss he could have described how it felt in one simple word: 'right'.

The two men broke apart and surveyed one another. They were panting, pale-skinned, red-lipped… each the most beautiful thing in the eye of the beholder.

"What was it you said about 'making love'?" asked Remus, innocently.

Sirius was having none of that. "Bedroom now," he growled.

"I never did see much of your strip routine," laughed Remus, obligingly heading towards the staircase.

Sirius didn't miss a beat. "I don't usually do private parties," he said huskily. "But for you I might just make an exception…"

"You better had."

##

Sirius awoke in a tangle of limbs and hot sweaty bed linen. It took him several seconds to realise what had woken him up. Somewhere in the street someone was banging incessantly on a door. Sirius waited for the noise to end. Beside him, Remus stirred. "Too much noise…" he groaned.

Sirius managed to disentangle himself from Remus and the bed, and walked across the room. He opened the small window that faced out onto the street and yelled- "Shut the hell up!!!!!"

When he turned back to the bed, Remus was grinning at him. "I think that's our door!"

Sirius started to pull on Remus' dressing gown (with some difficulty as it was rather too small). "I'll get it."

"Why not ignore it?" asked Remus.

"Because I don't want my door being blown off again!"

Sirius had coaxed Remus' dressing down into some semblance of respectability by the time he got to the front door. "Stop knocking! I'm coming, alright!" he opened the door and found himself looking into the eyes of the bouncer with the terrible scar- only now that scar was coupled with two black eyes, a busted lower lip, a deep cut above the right eye and a swollen cheek. The man grinned at Sirius' horrified expression. He was missing his two front teeth.

"What the-" Sirius began.

"Walked into a door," said the bouncer.

Sirius gestured him in. "Some door…" he said faintly. "I take it Orion wasn't too happy.

A trickle of blood leaked out from the corner of the bouncer's mouth. "He weren't ecstatic," he admitted. "I'm John by the way." He held out his right hand, then changed his mind and offered his left. Two fingers on the right were broken- sticking out at crazy angles.

Sirius shook the man's left hand. "I'll fix you up if you like," he offered.

"That'd be nice," said John. "Can I have some food? I don't like to ask but I haven't really got anywhere else to go, on account of the fact that Orion threw me out of my flat above the Star Club."

"No problem," said Sirius.

Remus appeared downstairs. He was fully dressed. "There's nothing but cake to eat, I'm afraid. Nor will there be if I don't get to work and earn some money soon." He kissed Sirius, a little too passionately, considering Sirius was half-naked and a guest was stood three feet away.

John coughed awkwardly. Remus and Sirius broke apart- Remus was blushing furiously but Sirius just grinned. There was a long silence in the room. "So where exactly do you work?" John asked Remus politely.

"Muggle library. Near the muggle bank." John shook his head and Remus tried again. "It's two streets down from Knockturn Alley."

John nodded. "Yeah, I know the place. It'll be bloody murder trying to get there this morning, though. You ought to hurry."

Remus flinched a little at the words 'bloody murder'. "What's going on this morning?" he asked.

"There's been some sort of accident. Muggle police patrolling the area, thick as fleas. They're stopping all who try to pass and questioning them. But you know muggles well, I'm sure they won't detain you too long… "

Remus groaned. "I'm going to be late for work as it is- I can't afford to lose this job…" He thought for a moment then pulled a face. "I'll just nip down Knockturn alley."

A look of concern passed across Sirius' face. "Knockturn Alley isn't the safest place in the world, Remus. I'll come with you."

Remus shook his head. "Not dressed like that, you won't! Besides, you've got to fix up our guest." He kissed Sirius once more on the cheek. "See you tonight."

Remus left Sirius attending to John.

##

Despite the early hour, Knockturn Alley was crowded. Indeed, it was so crowded that Remus didn't notice the cloaked figure following him.

He didn't notice until the figure stepped right up beside him and drew his wand. "Petrificus Totalus," said the hooded man and Remus fell to the floor, stiff as a board and completely paralysed. He was dragged to a dark shop doorway.

The cloaked man pulled down his hood and looked down on Remus triumphantly.

Remus, unable to struggle or even cry out, found himself staring up into the eyes of Orion.

"You're boyfriend is a remarkably difficult man to track down, Remus," said Orion. "However, now I have his boyfriend, I imagine he'll give me his undivided attention…"


	8. Chapter Seven

_Once again, thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I honestly love to know what you think. _

##

Fixing John's wounds did not take long and John gave Sirius a galleon as a token of his gratitude. That afternoon, Sirius went shopping and bought a week's supply of cigarettes, a bottle of firewhisky and just enough food to last for a couple of days. Afterwards, he went to the Ministry of Defence to pick up a book entitled 'Stealth: The Art of Not Being Seen' in order to prepare for an exam being held the next week.

All in all, Sirius was not gone for more than an hour but when he returned he found the flat empty.

"John? You in, John?" he called. There was no reply.

Sirius shrugged and went through to the kitchen. He took out the bottle of firewhisky, opened a cupboard and reached for a glass. Vaguely, he noticed that John must have washed up. He poured himself a glass of whisky and drank in quickly. It tasted good. Too good. It had been many months since Sirius had tasted good liqueur. He screwed the lid on the bottle quickly to avoid temptation and moved to put the bottle in the cupboard above the sink with the glasses.

There was a folded piece of paper in the otherwise empty cupboard. A feeling of dread enveloped Sirius as he reached for the message. The feeling of dread turned into a lead weight in his stomach as he unfolded the paper and read the words scribbled there:

_Siriuss._

_I dont wont to tell yu this but Orion has Remuss. He got him in Knokturn Ally. I had to do wot I did or Orion wud hav hurt me bad. _

_Yu must sleep with Orion or he wil hurt Remuss bad to. Dont bring a wand- he can tel. _

_Orion said I shud say this to yer face but last time you wer mad yu set me on fire. _

_Sorri,_

_John_

Sirius stared at the childish writing in horror. "Oh God. Please no. No," Sirius murmured desperately. "Not Remus."

He grabbed the glass he had just drank from, tightened his grip on it until it smashed and let his blood drip from his cut hand onto the floor. "Lay a finger on him, Orion, and I'll kill you," he swore.

##

James Potter knocked on Sirius and Remus' front door. "Maybe there's nobody in," he said to his wife, Lily Potter, when nobody answered.

Lily grinned at her husband. She was heavily pregnant and glowing with health. "You knock like a girl," she teased, hammering on the door with amazing strength.

A moment of silence ensued in which James Potter gave his wife an 'I told you so' look.

"IF THAT'S YOU, JOHN, I'LL KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!!!"

A moment later Sirius swung opened the door and brandished his wand at Lily. James jumped between them. "Christ Sirius! Lily's pregnant! This is no time for jokes!"

Sirius let the wand fall to the floor and shook his head hopelessly.

"I don't think this is a joke," said Lily quietly. She stepped forwards and opened her arms to Sirius, who hugged her tightly and started to weep.

James looked on, aghast. "Sirius, what on earth's up?" he asked.

Sirius broke away from Lily. "It's Remus," he said eventually. The tears still streamed down his face.

"Remus?"

"Oh God, James. I don't know what to do." Sirius threw himself into James' arms and James, taken by surprise, held Sirius awkwardly and patted his head.

"It's alright, mate," he said, soothingly.

"Tell us everything," said Lily, stepping through the door and into the hall.

##

James and Lily sat on the sofa and Sirius brought a chair from the kitchen table and set it down opposite them.

"It's Remus," he said again.

"We got that bit," said James and Lily elbowed him.

Sirius stared at the floor as if it might help him. Or swallow him up. He was wearing his leather trousers with a deep purple shirt that has several buttons undone. There was a bandage tied round his cut hand. "Remus and I…" began Sirius.

"Come on, mate. We're all friends here," prompted James. Lily shushed him.

"We're… For a while I've… Shit, this is hard… Remus and I, we, you know."

"No, I don't know," said James.

"We, erm…"

"What?"

"We…"

Lily interrupted. "Sirius is shagging Remus," she said.

James went very red.

"Oh," he said flatly.

"Do you mind?" asked Sirius.

James blushed even deeper. "Well, it isn't as if I want to shag Remus…or you for that matter."

Lily elbowed him again but Sirius smiled faintly. "Cheers, mate."

"I don't think its anything to cry about," continued James.

"It's not that," said Sirius. "I don't know what to do."

"Tell us everything," said Lily for the second time.

And Sirius told them everything about Orion, his stripping, his relationship with Remus, the bouncers and the fight. He showed them John's note.

"Bloody hell," said James, once Sirius had finished. "What are you going to do?"

Lily didn't let Sirius answer. "He's going to the Ministry of Magic, of course. This Orion's a wizard, isn't he? You can get the ministry police to arrest him."

Sirius shook his head. He went back into the kitchen and came back with the newspaper article Remus had read aloud- could it be- _just_ three days ago. Three days ago when Sirius had been a stripper and Remus had been his friend; somebody to love from afar. In the last three days Sirius' entire world had turned upside down.

Lily and James were silent as they read the article: _A savage werewolf, masquerading under the name Joseph Lester, has been jailed for life following a unanimous 'Guilty' verdict at yesterday's trial. The trial's Judge, the Honourable Wesley Brocket, said 'too long have werewolves threatened the lives of innocent wizards- I am only disappointed that the verdict was not death.' The Minister of Magic has declined to comment on the case._

"Best not to bring Remus to ministry attention, then," said Lily.

"So what are we going to do?" James asked.

Sirius shook his head. "_We're_ not going to do anything. _I'm _going to see Orion."

"And do what?" demanded James.

"Do whatever he wants."

Neither James nor Lily said a word. Sirius left the room. When he came back in all traces of his tears had gone and he had on a long leather coat.

"How do I look?" he asked.

"Gorgeous," said Lily. She got up and kissed him on the cheek.

"James," said Sirius, offering his hand.

James ignored the hand. "You can't do this! You can't! This guy sounds like a maniac! God in heaven above, Sirius! He'll want you to have…" James shook his head awkwardly, unable to bring himself to say the word.

"Sex, James? I know," said Sirius coldly, withdrawing his hand. "Make yourselves at home while I'm gone, won't you?" He made for the front door.

"DON'T DO IT!" shouted James, as Sirius reached for the door handle. "Please," he added more quietly.

Sirius turned around. "I love Remus. Who can say what Orion will do if I don't sleep with him? I can't risk it."

"Please don't."

Sirius sighed. "If you have a better idea tell me now."

"Okay," said James. "I'll tell you my plan."

##

James was not happy. Lily was in hysterics. Sirius couldn't help it. He laughed.

"You have to be bloody joking!" moaned James.

James' plan was a simple one. Sirius would distract Orion long enough for James to get Remus out. Sirius was certain that Remus would be held in the Star Club's drinks cellar, which had been used as a muggle prison in the 18th century. The only entrance to the cellar that Sirius knew of was a small door behind the bar that opened onto a narrow stone staircase. Sirius also knew that in the early evening there was only one person required behind the bar. James would simply wait for that person to turn their back then he could leap over the bar and disappear through the door.

"No bloody way, Sirius."

It was Sirius' idea that James would arouse less suspicion if he was dressed as a woman- Remus' old dress robes had been hastily transfigured into a scarlet sequined floor-length dress.

"You know I think this might just work," said Sirius.

James was more confident. "Of course it'll work. You just go up to Orion's office- he'll think you've given in to him and will relax. Five minutes later I will arrive. I need ten minutes to get Remus out. You just need to keep Orion happy for fifteen minutes- ask for some champagne or something- and then you can back out. It's a good plan. Just one question?"

"What?"

"Why the hell do I need to be dressed as a woman?!"

Sirius sighed. "Orion might be expecting a rescue attempt. He'll have people on the look out for men about my age- dangerous looking types."

"Besides," said Lily. "You make a very attractive woman."

James was still moaning when they set off on the rescue mission.

##

James Potter sauntered into the Star Club and winked seductively at a group of attractive young men.

He distinctively heard someone mutter the words 'drag queen' and knew that he didn't make quite as good a woman as Sirius had thought. It was something of a relief, actually.

"I'll have a beer," he said to the barmaid, as he leaned casually against the bar.

James swallowed a mouthful of beer and prayed that the barmaid would turn around quickly. His prayers were soon answered in the form of an attractive young man that he presumed was the barmaid's boyfriend.

"Hello, darling," said the barmaid, leaning across the bar for a kiss.

And James glanced around the club to check he wasn't being observed, hitched his dress up and vaulted over the bar. Two seconds later he was through the door and standing in pitch-blackness. "Remus?" he called quietly. Nothing. He took a step forward and very nearly fell down a flight of extremely steep stairs. "Remus?" he called out again, while trying to negotiate the stairs in the dark.

"Remus? Where are you?"

There was no reply but that didn't mean anything- Remus could easily be under a silencing charm. James reached inside his dress for his wand at the same minute but froze as the point of a knife poked his back.

"One move and you dead, you hear me?" said the voice of John, the bouncer.

##

Orion was sitting at his desk in his office above the club when Sirius walked in.

"Doesn't anybody bother knocking nowadays?" asked Orion, abandoning his work instantly and giving Sirius a dazzling smile.

"I thought I'd surprise you," replied Sirius in his most seductive voice. He sprawled across Orion's desk.

"It is nice to see you," said Orion, desire darkening his eyes.

Sirius leaned forward. "You haven't seen anything yet," he whispered in Orion's ear.

"Shall we go to my bedroom?"

This was a little too quick for Sirius. "Can't I have something to drink? Some champagne maybe?" _I need to give James more time, _he thought desperately.

Orion pulled Sirius off his desk. "There's some in my room. Its icy cold and waiting for you."

Suddenly, Orion pushed Sirius up against the wall of his office behind his desk. He kissed the back of Sirius' neck making his flesh crawl.

"I thought we were going to the bedroom," said Sirius nervously, even as he realised that he had never noticed the existence of a door that could possibly lead onto Orion's bedroom.

"We are."

A moment later the wall gave way before Sirius and he realised that there must have been a secret door hidden there. He surveyed the room he found himself in. It was painted a deep shade of red. He could see no other doors or windows and a giant satin-covered bed dominated the room.

"Do you like the bed?" asked Orion.

But Sirius wasn't looking at the bed. He was staring at the corner of the room where Remus Lupin was gagged and tied to a chair.

"Oh God, Remus!" cried Sirius, as he realised that James' plan had failed.


	9. Chapter Eight

Author's Note: Right, I have to say sorry for being the slowest person to update on the planet. So here goes: sorry, sorry, really, truly, sorry! I think I may be forgiven when I say that the last chapter will be up on Tuesday and the epilogue on Friday.

Warning: overuse of the word 'bastard'. It's my favourite swear word.

Chapter Eight

"Oh God," repeated Sirius.

Orion laughed. "Here, Sirius, _I_ am God."

"You can't expect me to... Not like this... Not in front of-"

Orion waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, I'm sure your boyfriend will enjoy the show. It is for _his_ benefit after all."

"Jesus Christ," moaned Sirius but divine intervention did not appear to be on the cards.

* * *

James had quickly discovered quite how difficult it is to think with a knife pressed into the back.

"You're John, aren't you? The one who betrayed Remus," he said, trying desperately to keep calm; to not surrender to the anger bubbling inside him. 

"I'd hardly call it a betrayal..." John jobbed the knifepoint into James' back a little harder. 

"You treacherous bastard," growled James defiantly.

John laughed. "Now that's not a very nice thing to say to the person with a knife just ready to stab you in the small of the back. You won't survive, of course. It'll be very painful but you won't-"

"Okay, okay... I have a pregnant wife," declared James, who had rapidly decided that Lily would not be altogether pleased if he died and left her to bring up the baby alone.

"Do you?"

"I do." 

There was silence in the dungeon except for the dull sound of water dripping. Suddenly, John removed the knife from James' back and spun him round until they were facing one another.

"I didn't want to betray him, you know," he said. "I had no choice. Orion just ain't the sort of bloke you mess with."

"Sirius would have protected you," said James.

"Sirius doesn't need me to protect. He has Remus." 

"NOT RIGHT NOW HE DOESN'T, THANKS TO YOU!" said James angrily (and loudly). He ignored the bouncer's frantic attempts to quiet him.

"Quiet! Please! Please be quiet; if we're overheard then- let's just say I enjoy having full use of my legs... Besides, all Sirius has to do is shag Orion. Just once. Then everything will return to normal. Remus can go home. Why the hell are you so keen to mess this up?" John shook his head in disbelief. "If you go charging into Orion's bedroom, cursing everything in sight then there will be hell to pay. You and Sirius and Remus will spend the rest of your lives glancing over your shoulders. Is that man across the road following me? Is there an ambush waiting round the next bend? Is your babysitter really a babysitter or is she going to kill your kid?"

James put his hands to his head. "What a bloody awful situation this is," he said.

"I know."  
  
"I don't blame you, of course," said James.

"Good."

"But it's love, don't you know? When Sirius spoke to me about Remus this afternoon his eyes lit up. It was love- pure and simple. If Remus cares for Sirius half as much as Sirius does for him then... _wow_... That's the sort of love that so few people ever experience. Its special and it can't be messed up by this Orion bastard." James suddenly brandished his wand. "Now you either help me or I'll try out this wonderful new spell on you."

"What will happen?"

"Your tongue will enlarge until you choke on it."

Silence.

"Right. I better help you then."

The two men shook hands. "So what's the situation?"

"Remus isn't down here. He's in Orion's bedroom."

"Okay, so we've got- HIS BEDROOM! Shit, no!"

John nodded. "And there's guards everywhere- all of them on the look out for Sirius' friends. It'd need something pretty big to distract them. Something huge, in fact."

James once again found himself becoming annoyed. "What the hell do you mean?" he snapped.

John sighed as if he were talking to a very stupid child. "It's obvious. For me to get Sirius out, I need you to first distract the guards- all of them."

"Why don't _you_ distract the guards while _I_ find Sirius?" 

John sighed again. "You're dressed as a woman; don't try and play the hard man with me, mate..." he paused, menacingly. "...And I may be just a bouncer and a squib at that, but I can see what you're clearly blind to: one, I actually know how to get to Orion's private chamber and two, you can use that wand that you've so obviously just stuck back down your dress to defend yourself against the hordes of angry bouncers."

"Is the wand really _that_ visible?"

"Well, I figured you'd either put your wand down there or you're just really pleased to see-"

"Stop right there! I'm a married man; I don't want to hear that stuff!"

John laughed. "Pretty unfortunate for you then, that your two best friends turned out to be bent as-"

James interrupted. "How are you going to defeat Orion? He'll have a wand, you know."

"I can do something sometimes; when I'm really angry." 

"Do what?"

"Smash glass." 

It was such a stupid idea, thought James. The bouncer was about to take on a wizard with nothing but the ability to make glass smash. It was potentially the worst plan ever made. "He'll probably kill you, you know?" said James.

"To die for love doesn't sound such a bad way to go." John grinned. "Besides, you're the one about to take on Orion's nine bodyguards!"

"I defeated you easily enough." 

"The rest of them aren't such romantics."

"So, how do I distract the guards?" James interrupted.

"I'm sure you'll think of something!"

James was still uncertain. "What the hell do you suggest? That I jump onto the bar and strip? Do a drag routine? Sing perhaps?"

John looked at him frankly. "I'd suggest Chaka Khan." And then he was gone.

"Shit," said James, who knew enough about modern music to know what John had in mind. "Shit, shit, shit."

* * *

Remus struggled desperately to spit out the gag. He was frantically shaking his head from side to side.

"He doesn't want you to do this. How touching!" said Orion.

"You are one sick bastard," snarled Sirius.

Orion grinned. "I'll take that to mean you're ready to begin, shall I?"

Remus squealed loudly.

"Not in front of him," said Sirius.

In three paces, Orion was across the room and holding a wand to Remus' head. "Don't think you have a choice, Sirius-darling. Don't go thinking you ever had a choice."

Remus managed to spit out the gag. "Don't do it. Please, Sirius, no! You can't! If you love me, then-" 

"Silencio," said Orion and Remus could speak no more. This didn't stop the anguish from showing on his face as he shook his head desperately and mouthed 'no'.

"I do love you," said Sirius simply. The tears of his own eyes were reflected in Remus'. He turned away. "Okay," he said to Orion.

* * *

James was soon back in the Star Club, surrounded by wizards, most of who looked surprisingly normal. 

He called the pretty barmaid over and ordered a double whisky. "Oh, bugger it," he murmured, gulping it down quickly. "Right."

James elbowed his way through the crowds of people dancing to get to the DJ. "Orion hired me," he said simply. It was enough. He told the man what he wanted, then inquired as to how to get up onto the podium on which Sirius had stripped so recently.

And on that podium, James took a deep breath and nodded to the DJ. The opening bars of 'I'm Every Woman' began to play and the people in the crowd began to point and stare at him. "Bugger it," said James again. He started to dance. Stilettos tapping, the odd hip wiggle, run a hand down his body, wave his arms around... It was all so easy.

And James began to sing.

"_I'm every woman, it's all in me!  
Anything you want done, baby  
I'll do it naturally..."_

James could see the bouncers moving towards him, wands out. Four of them. Not enough. James whipped his wand out and brandished it threateningly. The people in the crowd, thinking this was part of his act, began to cheer.

_  
"I'm every woman, it's all in me"  
I can read your thoughts right now  
Every one from a to z..."_

Six bouncers, no, wait, seven bouncers had appeared now. Not all of them but near enough.

James was ready to fight.

* * *

Orion's fingers were too impatient; they fumbled with the buttons on Sirius' shirt. "Beautiful. Beautiful," he repeated the whole time. Sirius kept his eyes shut, though he couldn't keep himself form shuddering as warm clammy hands ran across his naked chest. "So very beautiful." Something wooden touched his bare skin and Sirius' realised that Orion must still have the wand.

Remus shut his eyes as well; wished that he could close his ears.

"You belong to me," whispered Orion, leaning forward so his breath was hot on Sirius' face. "Open your eyes."

Sirius forced himself to open them.

"You belong to me," Orion repeated. "You know that?"

Sirius said nothing; a wand was jabbed into his chest. "Yes," he murmured.

Orion nodded, satisfied. He reached a hand behind Sirius' head and pulled him towards him; forced a kiss on Sirius, who cringed at the taste of whisky and stale breath.

"Strip for me," ordered Orion.

* * *

"_Experlliarmus!"_

"_Petrificus totallus!"_

"_Incendio!"_

Downstairs in the Star Club, James was on fine form.

* * *

BANG!

Sirius' fingers paused hopefully on the fastening of his trousers. Orion even stopped staring at Sirius long enough for a glance at the floor.

There was a knock on the door. "NO DISTURBANCES!" Orion screeched. "Don't you stop!" he yelled at Sirius, waving his wand angrily.

Sirius did not move. The knock came again, louder, more insistent.

"Strip!"

The knocking turned to hammering.

"FINE!!!!!!!" screamed Orion. The secret door in the wall opened and John the bouncer entered.

"There's an impostor," he said simply.

Orion, still fully clothed, sighed, walked over to the table and grabbed the still-untouched bottle of champagne. He drank from it. Sirius shot John a murderous look.

"Who?" Orion asked in a dangerous tone.

"A drag queen," John answered, shooting a knowing look at Sirius. Remus, who had opened his eyes by now, was the only one in the room to notice that John was gradually turning redder with anger, even as his voice remained calm. He, of course, had no idea that the drag queen was in fact James.

"I have ten bouncers at this club, do I not?" Orion's eyes sparkled with malice.

"Yes."

"And my ten bouncers cannot take on a drag queen without me assist-"

SMASH!

The champagne bottle exploded in Orion's hands and the bloody fragments of glass fell to the floor along with his wand.

"WHAT THE-"

With true Auror reflexes Sirius leapt on top of the blonde haired man, pinning him to the ground. "It was never going to work," he said happily. He slammed a fist into Orion's face. "You complete and utter bastard!" Another fist soon followed the first.

While Orion suffered, John ran over to Remus and untied him.

"Are you alright?"

Remus nodded.

Across the room, Sirius was still hitting Orion. "Leave him!" shouted John. He grabbed Remus' arm and dragged him towards the secret door. "We have to get out of here!"

"STOP!" screamed Orion, as Sirius drew back his arm once more. "PLEASE!"

"We have to get out of here before they murder James!!!" yelled John. 

That was all the reminding Sirius needed. "The rope!"

They bound Orion to the foot of his bed with the rope that had tied Remus. They gagged him for good measure and laughed as he squealed angrily. "Come on!" cried Sirius. He shepherded Remus and John out of the room before dashing back for Orion's wand. He broke it over his knee with a smile and took the two fragments with him.

He found Remus and John at the end of the upstairs corridor. The sound of fighting –shrieks, bangs and even the odd cheer- sounded more loudly out here.

Sirius smiled gently at Remus. "Are you alright, love?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," answered John with a wild grin. "But James might not be, if he doesn't get out quickly."

"Consider it done!"

* * *

The four men assembled in the street outside the club. James was bleeding from his lip and a cut above his eye. The dress was torn and he had long since discarded the stilettos. He held up two pieces of wood with a sad expression. Orion wasn't the only one to have lost a wand on that day.

"You okay?" Sirius asked James.

"Took on seven of 'em by meself," he said somewhat thickly. He spat a globule of blood onto the floor. "And you?"

"Not too bad." Sirius grinned at Remus. He was still unable to believe his luck. "I guess I should thank you lot..." he said quietly, still grinning.

"It's nothing," said John.

"You owe me one," said James less modestly.

Sirius nodded and turned back to Remus; opened his arms. They embraced.

"Awww..." said John, earning an odd look from James.

And in the end, it was James who brought them to their senses. "We really ought to get away from this place, guys. Any minute now, we'll have some very angry boun-"

As if on cue, two very big, very angry bouncers appeared outside. "GET THEM!"

"RUN!!!" yelled Sirius, grabbing Remus' hand and half-dragging him away. "Run!"

And they ran...

...And ran...

...And kept running. Sirius held Remus' hand in his.

They only stopped when they were six streets away from the Star Club and had lost all traces of pursuit. John and Remus were both panting heavily. James' bare feet were bleeding. He propped himself up against a wall and groaned as he attempted to remove a piece of glass from his left foot.

"You alright, mate?"

James nodded, seemingly engrossed in his task.

Remus had stopped breathing so heavily now and was watching Sirius closely. Sirius took his hand. "Did I ever mention that I loved you?"  
  
Remus said nothing. A glimmer of frustration showed in his face.

"I really thought for a moment that we were done for, didn't you?" Sirius said.

Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius at last noticed that something was wrong. "Are you not speaking to me?"

Remus nodded.

"What have I done?" asked Sirius, dropping Remus' hand and wondering if Remus could really be mad at him for nearly sleeping with Orion.

Silence.

"I had no choice," said Sirius desperately. "Please speak to me." 

Remus glared at him and gestured to his lips. He mouthed something that if Sirius could lip-read he would have understood to be 'it's a silencing charm, you bloody idiot!'

As it was Sirius just stared at him. Remus pointed to his mouth again and shook his head. "You've lost your voice?"

A nod.

"You must have been running too fast or something. I'm sure it'll come back and-" The truth dawned on Sirius. "The silencing charm! Oh God! Yes?!"

A bigger nod.

Sirius shook his head. "Christ! I am such a bloody idiot!"

Once again, Remus nodded.

* * *

After twenty minutes they began to walk the remaining distance to Sirius and Remus' flat. James, his feet causing him pain, leant on John. It was starting to get dark and few people were walking the streets in this part of London. Sirius held Remus' hand and wished the muggles would lose the damned sodium street lamps that kept him from seeing the stars.

Reaching the corner of the street their flat was on, Sirius smiled to himself. "Home," he murmured. Remus squeezed his hand.

Neither of them noticed the smoke until Lily appeared, running towards them all as fast as a heavily pregnant woman can. She leapt into James' arms, sobbing, at the same time as she cried "They've set it on fire!"

"Who? What?" Sirius demanded.

"Them! Your flat, Sirius. It's on fire!"


	10. Chapter Nine

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter; I've tried to be quick with this one and I don't think I've done too badly (especially as yesterday I got my exam results! And celebrated, of course.) For the benefit of this story, Godric's Hollow is a quaint little village.

Chapter Nine

It was four O'clock in the morning and Sirius, Remus, John, James and Lily were sitting around the table, drinking butter beer and eating hot toast, in the kitchen of the house James and Lily had recently bought in Godric's Hollow. The rain drummed against the kitchen window so fiercely that Sirius half expected the glass to shatter.

"Just when we thought life was looking up," said Remus miserably. "The flat had to be on fire."

"If I ever get my hands on-" threatened James. Lily shushed him.

"Look on the bright side, Remus," Sirius said. "Things definitely can't get any worse!"

"Well, actually..." Lily began. She shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Remus."

"Oh God."

Remus settled his head in his hands as Lily told the story of how she had been concerned about Remus losing his job at the muggle library and so had gone along to offer to help out in his stead.

"And?"

"The filing system was so complicated and the librarian's handwriting was so difficult and I don't know a lot about books and it's been so long since I spoke on a telephone..."

"And?" asked Remus, fearing the answer.

"I placed an order for 100 copies of 'Crime and Punishment'."

Remus groaned. Sirius let out a bark of laughter, then went silent.

"I'm fired, aren't I?" Remus said.

* * *

That night they slept on James' sofa. John had been given the camp bed in the nursery upstairs (painted with blue and pink stripes because James thought the unborn child was a boy but Lily was rather hoping for a girl). It was freezing downstairs in the sitting room, although that was not the real reason why Sirius and Remus clung to one another so closely. 

"Are you really upset about the flat?" Sirius asked, as Remus was just on the brink of sleep.

"Don't give a damn," said Remus. "Home isn't a place; it's the people in it."

"True."

Remus was lying on Sirius' arm. His weight had left the arm numb but Sirius didn't care. He pulled Remus even nearer to him as the clock above the mantlepiece struck five.

"I love you too, you know," said Remus after ten more minutes had passed in silence.

"I am glad."

Remus felt himself begin to drift off. The stress of the previous day had taken its toll on him. "I'll tell you what I do know," whispered Sirius after a while. He too sounded tired.

"What?"

"It's bloody cold in here."

"Go to sleep, Sirius," Remus growled.

The clock struck quarter past five; the lovers slept.

* * *

The following morning dawned absurdly bright and fine after the recent rain. Sirius and James were the only people in the house up at nine O'clock; they ate a leisurely breakfast of sausage and bacon together and talked over the recent events. 

"You made a damn fine woman!" Sirius complimented James.

James was quick to reply. "Mention that again, Sirius, and you'll have my wand up your arse!" He looked suddenly downhearted as he realised the wand he had owned since he started Hogwarts was broken.

"I'm sorry," said Sirius.

James shrugged away the apology. "You two are more than worth the loss of a wand," he said. "I wonder where Orion is now..."

"In a gutter if there's any justice in this world."

The two men fell silent.

"Do you know where I can find a cheap house to rent?" asked Sirius eventually.

"There is... No.. No, you wouldn't like it."

"What?"

"Well, if you follow the main road through Godric's Hollow to the South and then take the first left turning..."

And that was how Sirius first heard about Oak Tree Cottage.

* * *

They set off to see the cottage that very afternoon. The sky was pale blue, only punctuated by cotton candy clouds. Godric's Hollow was a small village with just twenty houses, a shop and a church that dated from 1587. The place was surrounded by woods to three sides but lay open to the South. 

"James asked me to get some milk." Remus excused himself as they walked through the village.

Two minutes later he emerged from the corner shop, milk in hand, to find Sirius standing across the road talking to an old man. Sirius grinned and waved.

"I shot down five of the buggers," the old man was saying to Sirius as Remus approached. "And the Kaiser had a withered arm, you know?"

"Fascinating," Sirius said. He introduced Remus as his 'particular friend'.

"How do you do," said Remus.

The old man looked at Sirius and then at Remus suspiciously. Then a broad smile spread across his wrinkled face. "I say, are you two pansies?"

Remus looked blankly at Sirius. "Flowers?" he mouthed.

Sirius, however, seemed to understand. "Yes, I rather believe we are." He winked at Remus. "And unashamed."

"Jolly interesting," said the old man. His broad smile had softened slightly and become wistful. "I used to have a friend who was a pansy."

"Really?"

"Oh yes. He was a jolly nice chap; he fell in love with a young Italian called Giorgio- he deserted the army, you know. I haven't seen him since."

"And when was this?" asked Sirius politely.

The old man frowned. It made his skin look like crumpled cardboard. "Now let me see," he said. "I sometimes forget dates."

"No matter," Sirius said dismissively.

"No! No. Just a moment. Ah yes! Tuesday 3rd January 1916 he deserted."  
  
Remus had to suppress a laugh. Sirius just smiled.

"I suppose you want to be off now, Giorgio," said the old man addressing him.

"It's Sirius."

"Of course. I don't suppose you want to see my medals?" The old man looked vaguely hopeful.

"Another time, perhaps," said Sirius. They shook hands and the old man expressed his pleasure at having met 'Giorgio'.

They were walked the two miles from the village to the cottage. The going was easy enough: they had followed a winding country lane for the first mile and three quarters and had now turned off along a dirt track to their left.

"He was completely bonkers," Sirius said. "I liked him."

"So we're pansies, are we?" asked Remus. "I honestly didn't know what he was referring to."

"Sure you didn't," Sirius teased.

The dirt road turned sharply to their right and the cottage lay before them. It was the sort of place that Remus had always believed existed only in fairy tales. It was shaped like a perfect box and had a thatched roof. The walls (although they could see little of them) were made of sand-coloured stone; three of them were coated in ivy, against the other lay a piece of trellis with climbing roses crawling up it. The windows were tiny and the white paint on the front door was peeling. A huge oak tree overhung the entire cottage.

"This whole place is bonkers," said Sirius. "I think I'm in love."

"We can't afford it," said Remus looking at the cottage dubiously. On closer inslection it appeared to be in a state of extreme dilapidation.

"It can't be that expensive," said Sirius. "No electricity. No running water. No heating. I bet it's cheap! And we're wizards so it's not exactly as if we need any of that stuff anyway."

"But running water!" cried Remus.

"There's a stream round the back. Let's go and look."

Sirius loved the stream as much as he loved the cottage. He took off his shoes, rolled up James' trousers and waded in. "It's perfect!" He kicked out and sprayed Remus with icy water.

"Your heart's really set on this, isn't it?" asked Remus.

Sirius stopped splashing and nodded.

"Then we'll find a way."

* * *

They borrowed money off James and off John, although neither of the two could really afford to lend any. The vast majority of the money went towards the deposit on the cottage's rent and the rest bought a new wand for Sirius (who was now to sit his practical Stealth exam in under a week). 

Two days later they moved in.

As to how they would survive without Remus earning his librarian's wage, Sirius had a cunning plan. He was so charming with the villagers that he soon wangled invitations to three dinner parties, a cheese and wine supper and a cocktail party. With only one set of clothing each they spent the days wearing various gigantic shirts that James had leant them, while Remus washed their own clothes in preparation for the evening out and for the one day that Sirius had to apparante for a lecture at the auror headquarters.

Sirius repeatedly thanked God that he had been wearing his most seductive clothes when the flat was set on fire; this annoyed Remus who had been dressed for a day stacking shelves in a muggle library.

On their third day of living in the Oak Tree Cottage, they attended the cheese and wine evening at the local vicarage. "God knows how you befriended a vicar," said Remus through a mouth of Stilton.

Sirius drained his fifth glass of wine. "Are you suggesting I'm not godly?"

"Yes," Remus said, moving onto the Wensleydale.

They were interrupted by the vicar, who was so fat and red faced that Remus could only suppose the man lived off cheese and wine. They found themselves promising to attend a church service the next Sunday.

"Today's our one week anniversary as a couple," said Sirius once the vicar had gone to harass another young couple.

"I can't believe it's only been a week," Remus mused. He cut himself a slither of Brie.

Sirius just shrugged. "It's been the longest week of my life!" He poured himself another glass of wine. "Let's drink a toast! To us!"  
  
"And to our penniless life in a fairytale cottage!" There was no bitterness in Remus' voice. He cut himself a chunk of bright orange Cheddar.

"Well, you know what they say... For richer for poorer..."  
  
"We're hardly a married couple, Sirius!"

"All but paper, love," he said. "All but paper..." Sirius he gave Remus one of his most winning smiles (usually reserved for the purpose of gaining dinner invitations). "I'm sick of this place. Let's go."

He dragged Remus away, ignoring his protestations. "If you eat any more cheese you'll get fat!" he said in a no-nonsense tone of voice. Once outside the vicarage he started laughing hysterically. His eyes were glittering.

"You're drunk!" Remus said accusingly.

Sirius stopped laughing. "Drunk on happiness, maybe," he replied. He swung one of his arms round in a wide arc, gesturing at the velvet sky with its pinpricks of stars. "You know what?" he asked.

"What?"

"I sometimes think we're all made of stars!"

Remus shook his head. "You're a stupid sod," he said affectionatly.

And this remark just started Sirius laughing again. "That's why you love me!"

And it evidently was love that made Remus Lupin pull Sirius Black towards him, kiss him fiercely, push him up against the vicarage wall, kiss him some more, then drag his more-than-willing lover to the nearest empty meadow and make love to him under the stars.

And Sirius, if he'd had the chance to speak, might well have said that the past week -as well as being the longest and most stressful- was also the best week of his life.

The ending was rather good, anyway.


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue- Two Weeks Later**

Remus Lupin, on arriving home, was presented with a very agreeable sight. Sirius Black was in the front garden, digging potatoes. He was shirtless and the sweat gleamed on his muscular chest just as it had all those months ago when Remus had first seen him stripping.

"Hi, darling," said Remus.

Sirius looked at him and frowned. "I don't think I'm much of a farmer," he admitted. He threw down his spade and scrabbled in the dirt for a moment before presenting Remus with a tiny potato.

Remus couldn't help it; he laughed. "That might postpone our death from starvation for, say, another two hours!"

"It's not funny," said Sirius. "We can't afford anything! I don't know how we're going to last until I'm a qualified auror."

_Desperate times call for desperate measures_, decided Remus. "I heard some interesting gossip today," he said casually. 

"And?"

"It's the annual Women's Institute party next week."

Sirius shook his head at his lover. "You're mad," he said. "Mad. I thought I was getting to get some gossip!" He picked up his spade and went back to digging.

"And word has it," Remus continued. "That this year's party is going to be a bit different..."

"Um."

"They're looking to hire a stripper."

"WHAT?" The spade had dropped to the ground again and Remus definitely had his boyfriend's attention. "I'm not doing it," said Sirius. "No way."

"I volunteered you."

"YOU DID WHAT?" Sirius was shouting and he didn't care. "Last time I stripped I was nearly raped! I can't!"

Remus ignored the shouting and answered perfectly calmly. "So you're afraid that a bunch of middle aged women are going to rape you, is that it? God, to think I thought you were a _man_..." He headed inside still carrying Sirius' potato.

"I'M ALL MAN!!!" yelled Sirius from outside.

Remus didn't reply but went into the kitchen, rinsed the potato and started to peel it.

"I WAS ALL MAN LAST NIGHT!!!"

Still Remus said nothing.

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME ANYWAY: IT'S ABOUT YOU!"

Remus found two carrots and set about peeling them.

"WHAT SORT OF FREAK WOULD SELL HIS OWN BOYFRIEND'S BODY, EH?!"

Remus chopped the carrots and added them to a pan.

"FINE!!! I'LL DO YOUR SODDING PARTY IF YOU'LL STOP IGNORING ME!"

Remus went back outside. "Good. I knew you'd come round to my way of thinking."

"I wonder if you've thought about this," said Sirius. "All those women watching me, wanting me... Myself all naked... So very beautiful: so totally vulnerable. It'll be your own damned fault if I run off with one of them!"

Remus just smiled. "Middle aged women, dear. I don't think I need to worry about the competition." And with that he stepped forward and kissed the man he loved.

**THE END**


End file.
